Author: momcrafty

So I figured I ‘d just do one post a week with Joshie’s pearlers…saves me searching through to find them and then spamming you with email as he’s always making me laugh…hope they do you too and it’s not a “had to be there” situation 😉 Here’s this weeks offerings…

On school...

“Mom, you know the person who invented school…you do realise they just invented a way to torture kids and you’re ok with that?”

***

On not being an early bird...

“Mom, you know I’ve got up over 1000 times already but everyday I’m still never ready for it. They should invent something to make it easier. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it…
***

Joshie was off on one about Big Bang Theory vs. God…we got sidetracked by his eyewear and started quietly discussing if we maybe could cut his fringe whilst he was wearing them and how that would turn out…

Josh: erm…excuse me guys…can we focus please….what was I saying…ah yes…well I believe God may be tiny and live in a flower….

***

Talking of focus…

Waking up Saturday and seeing the boys happy on the sofa playing Minecraft…

Me: Morning boys! You ok? 

Alex: yep.. we’re just playing Minecraft. Joshie made his own breakfast but I’m not hungry yet…

Look to the table and see a very full bowl of cereal…

Me: When are you eating your breakfast Joshie? Did you decide you weren’t hungry?

Josh (jumping up and rushing to the table): oh no! I forgot I made it!!

How can you forget you’re making breakfast 😂

***

Josh struggling with folding blankets…

Dad: Do you need help?

Josh: Of course 😡

Dad: Excuse me! Is that how you respond to someone asking if you need help?

Josh: Of course…please😇

***

Joshie brought me some flowers as we were gardening and he’d been off round the block on his scooter….

Me: aww they’re beautiful! Thanks! I love them…wait…where did you get them? You didn’t pick them out of someone’s garden did you?

Joshie:……erm! I don’t know…it’s hard to tell

***

Joshie’s favourite sweets in England were Smarties. We have tried convincing him for over 2 years that chocolate m&m’s are like Smarties with an ‘m’ on. He has been most objectionable to this suggestion. Following the Valentine candy exchange at school, Alex told him to try them as they’re just like Smarties but with an ‘m’. Cue alot of eyebrow raising and inspecting of an m&m before very cautiously trying it with a teeny weeny nibble…followed swiftly by the rest of the packet and the declaration “you know Mom, they’re just like Smarties but with an ‘m’ on…how did I not know this?!” 😅

***

That’s all folks…tune in next week for more words of wisdom 😘

So we got our first warning from the HOA this week 😯 Our crime….leaving the bin out in view! Oh well…we knew the rules and it’s the first step on the slippery slope to Messyville if they don’t, I suppose. Luckily, we’d already made a start last weekend on tidying up the front garden so after today’s efforts in the ridiculously hot February weather, we’re shattered but confident the HOA will be disappointed they can’t write us up…unless we chose the wrong colour mulch of course!

31 bags of mulch later…Needs a couple more plants but mighty proud if achey

Kids need regular watering in this weather

Googling spiders to see if they’re poisonous…all manner of creepy crawly here…this was some orb spider-I’ve forgotten…orange and green (an irish immigrant?) and obviously not poisonous as I’d have not got near enough again for a bloody pic 😅

Edit: we may get fined after all…just got out the shower and noticed that thanks to the sunshine, I’m sporting a lovely red nose like Rudolph…the letter said keeping up christmas decorations beyond the holiday season was also a punishable offence 😯

So Alex asked me on the way home when I turned up the music on the radio “you love this song don’t ya mum?” What I wanted to say was “Holey moley…I’ve just had to turn the radio down so you can repeat this question?! I love both you boys dearly but since leaving school 90 minutes ago, you and your brother aint shut up. Constant. Incessant. (Except for when I ask you what you want for tea then there was silence for a whole 30 seconds which is a long time when your stood in the middle of the meat aisle blocking the pork chops from someone who really wants pork chops-a little too much by the scowl I got) Unrelenting chatter.  Chatter. Chatter. Chatter….oh and arguing. Wouldn’t be the weekly shop without that. Who’s going to push the trolley? Who likes bacon more? Whose turn it is to choose the cereal? Whose hand was on the cheese first to unload it onto the bloody conveyor belt? So no son. I don’t love it. I like George Michael’s Careless Whisper a bit-a take it or leave it kinda song. But I do love you and so I don’t scream like a banshee because I’m a little fraught because your now arguing over god only knows what in the back of the car I’ve turned the music up to drown out the noise.

But I just reply “yep, I do! It’s great”

At Outback on Thursday

Waitress: what side would you like? Fries? Sweet potato mash? Broccoli? Rice? 
Joshie: hmm? *Pause….. I dunno…i should choose the healthy option but I want the unhealthy….hmmm

Me: You like broccoli…why not have broccoli and fries?

Waitress: Erm…you can only have one

Joshie: Wait! What?? One fry? That’s not enough…maybe I’ll have the broccoli

Waitress: no…one side…lots of fries-I’ll make sure there’s lots

Joshie: phew! One fry may be healthy but I’m hungry

***

Still at the resaurant but out of nowhere

Josh: hmmm…I’d never bring my girlfriend here. I’d take her to Saltgrass.

Dad: Why? Do you have a girlfriend?

Joshie: no. But the tv’s are too distracting. I want to make sure I pay her my full attention. Saltgrass doesn’t have tv’s 😍

*the last time we went to Saltgrass, it was election night and Joshie was cheering and fistpumping cos he saw on their tv’s Hilary had won a state and thought it was the whole election…awkward in ruby red Texas 😄

***

Me and my boss talking after school…

Boss: well, it should…

Josh: uggghhhh! I knew it!

Me: Knew what Josh? What’s up?

Josh: you’re gonna have one of them long boring adult conversations again and I’m not gonna be able to talk

Me: erm, yes probably! But don’t be rude…what were you saying boss?

Boss: well I was just gonna say that we need…

Joshie: yup! I was right Told ya! Boring!

No promotion for me this year then 😄

***

Joshie’s doing his Duty to God award at scouts this week and has chosen to pray everyday to earn it…

Me: so how’s this praying working out for you? 

Joshie: erm…I dunno…I asked for good luck and I suppose I didn’t die when I choked on that steak in the restaurant…that was good luck right?

Methinks good luck would have meant he didn’t choke in the first place but hey ho…mysterious ways and all that 😇😈

So last night was date night for me and Rich. Their taekwondo club were gonna entertain them from 6.30-11pm. Figured a bunch of black belts were probably gonna be ok entrusted with our babies.

So we just had to decide where to go….we’d gone out for a steak dinner the night before with the boys so didn’t fancy that…cinema? Nothing on we wanted to see apart from the Lego Batman movie and we’d want the kids for that…bowling? The kids’d love bowling too…A pub? Hahaha! Taxis don’t seem to exist here and we needed to pick the kids up in any case…I did suggest Midnight Rodeo but Rich said he’d need to be really drunk for that. 

It’d been a long week. Joshie had had a rough day at school so out of ideas to suit us all, we suggested instead of date night, we did something today and settled on a pre-cooked chicken and a documentary about volcanoes that we thought Joshie’d like…he did! (He’s never gonna wear shoes with laces when he approaches a volcano’s crater tho-he’s only just learned to tie them and they never seem to stay tied long!) So we were all in bed for 10pm.

And today, we headed east on the i10 and had a blast with the kids. They have much better ideas than we do….

I felt sick for most of our morning

Just hanging around

My gorgeous guys

BBQ back home and given the job of Chief Beer Fetcher, he was gonna fit that oversized lime slice he’d cut if it was the last thing he did

Doing an autism online training course. Serious stuff….must focus….

Under the heading. ‘Sensory activities and strategies’….

“use a ‘fidget fanny pack’ to help concentrate” 

Glad I’m on my own at the computer…nearly spat my drink out…Don’t think I will ever be grown up enough for that US/UK translation 😂😂

Rich took us out for a steak tonight.

Joshie (looking at the menu): Mmm! I’m gonna have mine well done.

Me: ooh Joshie! Why? It won’t be all nice and juicy then, just how you like it…

Joshie: eh? Well erm, why do they call it ‘well done’ then?!! 😂

“Mum! That fish doesn’t like me!” 

Odd statement to hear at his taekwondo class but Alex then approaches the tank from various angles to prove his point. It turns away each time.

“Alex, it’s a fish. I don’t think it has strong feelings about you either way. Sorry”

“No really. It doesn’t! It always swims away from me. It doesn’t mind Josh”

Cue his brother’s convenient appearance having finally got his taekwondo uniform on and so Joshie agrees to test Alex’s theory and proceeds to look in and approach at the fish tank exactly the same way Alex did…except now the fish doesn’t flinch.

Perhaps Alex isn’t weird after all. Worrying about a fish’s affections. Perhaps he’s just observant. Wonder what that fish’s problem is?! Bully!